Making a Better Me

I think I would be a better person if I could start each day by slapping an orphan.

I know right now you're thinking "WTF?!!!".  Before you post an angry comment just give me a second to explain.

If I started each day by slapping an orphan I think I would spend the rest of the day thinking, "Oh my god, I can't believe I smacked a poor little street urchin.  I better be super nice to people all day to make up for it."  Then I would spend the rest of the day opening doors for little old ladies, helping to teach the handicap how to yodel, and generally being one heck on a good citizen.

I'm not too sure the orphan would be thrilled about my plan but I think in the cosmic scheme of things the good that I would do would override the bad.  Trust me, this is all about improving myself.  It has nothing to do with a desire to abuse parentless children.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin


footnote:  This whole post is obviously a joke.  I happen to be very anit-child abuse and very pro-adoption.  I actually thought about replacing "slapping an orphan" with "kicking a puppy" but that would have brought in just as many angry letters.  Again, it was just a joke.