Friday, July 26, 2013

He Shoots, He Scores

Mrs. Penguin and I took Opus Jr. and a couple of the grand kids to Chuck E. Cheese the other day.  While we were there Opus Jr. challenged me to a game of air hockey.  I guess the young lion thought it was time for him to challenge the alpha male for the right to rule the pride.

We're playing and I'm beating him like a drum, of course.  I'm serious, it wasn't even close.  I think the score was seven to zero or something like that.  He was getting pretty frustrated and he was determined to at least score one goal.  He had the puck sitting right in front of him and he was planning on making the world's most powerful air hockey shot.  He had the little paddle in his hand, he cocked his arm back as far as he could, he slammed the paddle forward in a sweeping arc of power and majesty, and he completely missed the puck.  The paddle went zooming through the air and passed within inches of my head.  The best part of this trick shot is after he let go of the paddle he pulled his arm back and it brushed the puck that was still sitting right where he left it and it slid back into his own goal.

I busted out laughing and he started whining about how that goal shouldn't count. After I stopped laughing I told him that I would let him make one goal to make up for that one.  I moved my paddle off the table and presented him with a wide open goal.  He tapped the puck and it slid slowly toward my end of the table.  I couldn't help myself, at the last second I reached down with my paddle and smacked the puck back toward the other end.  He wasn't expecting it so he couldn't react in time and the puck went into the goal.  Now he was really howling!

Okay, I apologized and promised him that he could have two goals and I wouldn't trick him again.  This time he made me step back from the table.  He wasn't taking any chances so instead of just tapping the puck he smacked it pretty hard.  He was so concerned about my blocking it at the last second that he didn't take the time to aim very well.  Big mistake!  The puck missed my goal, rebounded off the wall and shot like a rocket right across the table and into his goal.

At this point I was laughing so hard that I was on the floor with tears in my eyes.  When I finally got my breath back I went to say something to Opus Jr. but he was gone.  Apparently he just put his paddle down and walked off without saying a word.  To this day that game has never been discussed again.

Some people are sore losers.  Then again, some people are sore winners too.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Talking Dirty

Last weekend Mrs. Penguin and I went to a farmers market.  We checked out all the fresh produce and bought a few we've never heard of before.

The thing that caught my attention was all the spices.  I'm use to seeing spices in little bottles, so it was weird seeing huge piles of fresh spices.  I was like a kid in a candy store and I had to smell about every single one of them.

Let's fast forward to lunch.  We went to eat at a little BBQ place and I whenever I went to eat something I noticed that it smelled great but the taste was rather bland.  It wasn't until after we left that I figured out the smell was coming from all the spices on my hands from the farmers market.  I turned to Mrs. Penguin and said, "I should have rubbed my hands all over my meat."  Her response was, "Do whatever you have to do, just don't tell me about it and clean up after yourself."

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

What I'm Currently Reading

Dan Brown's Inferno.

Without a doubt, he has a definite style.  It's almost as if you're reading a history book more than a mystery novel.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Friday, July 5, 2013

Their Service was Garbage

We used a service to pick up our household trash that was a complete joke.  If we were lucky, they would pick up our trash once a month instead of once a week like they were suppose to do. Back in February we called and cancelled our contract with them.  Yesterday we received another bill from them.  This is the conversation I had on the phone:

Garbage Man:  Hello.
Me:  Hello, we had service with you but we cancelled it four months ago and I just got a bill in the mail.  As a matter of fact, I've gotten a bill ever month.
Garbage Man:  Obviously the service wasn't cancelled.
Me:  Didn't you notice that I haven't paid you for months or that you haven't picked up our trash either?
Garbage Man:  Uhhh....
Me:  Listen, even when we did pay you, you never showed up on the right day or you only picked up a portion of the trash.
Garbage Man:  Uhhh...
Me:  That's not important anymore because we're using someone else now.  You need to just stop sending us bills.
Garbage Man:  Well, you're going to have to pay the final bill.
Me:  Why?  You didn't do anything to earn that money?
Garbage Man:  But we still had you on our books so it will have to be paid.
Me:  Let me get this straight, if I hadn't called I could have just not paid the bill and no one would have noticed.  Heck, you might of still picked up my trash once or twice a month even if I didn't pay.
Garbage Man:  We would have noticed and turned you over to a collection agency.
Me:  Why am I arguing with you?  You want to get paid?  Fine!  I'll drop the check into our trash can and put in by the curb.  Let's see how long it takes you to pick it up.

Just for the record, I'm not paying them squat.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Got Milk?

If your family is like mine, then you usually go through a gallon of milk pretty quick.

I hate standing in the dairy isle of a grocery store while some old hag digs through all the jugs of milk looking at expiration dates.  She's looking for that one magical carton that won't expire until the cows come home.  I want to ask her how often she has to throw out old milk.  Seriously, does she have to trash milk because she's kept it past the expiration date?  Does it happen often?  Here's a thought, get a smaller carton of milk!

Since we go through milk so quickly, I just grab the first carton I see.  It's not an Earth shattering event but it does save me some time and it makes my life that much simpler.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

40 - Love

Over in England the Wimbledon tennis tournament is currently happening.  Other than really athletic girls in tiny skirts, does anyone care about tennis?

Let me say it again, hot girls in mini skirts.  Now that's what I call a sport.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

This Post Goes Along With the Last Two

I must be really slow.

In college I had a roommate named John King.  He always said that he wished his first name was Joe so he could introduce himself by saying, "Hi, I'm only Joe King."  Get it?

I wrote that whole last post and it never clicked that the guy's name was Joe King.  I've got to look up my old roommate and let him know.  I have no idea where he is but just on a hunch I'm willing to bet I could find him by looking up police records.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

They All Float Down Here

Just a little update on yesterday's quick post.

I mentioned that I was reading Joe Hill's NOS4A2 in yesterday's post.  I'm about 2/3 of the way through the book and I finally realized something.  As I was reading it I noticed it sounded a lot like a Stephen King book.  The style of writing, character development, back stories, and overall flow seemed just like King's works.  Heck, even things from King's books were mentioned like "Shawshank prison" and "inworld".

At this point I knew something was amiss.  I looked up the author, thinking it might be a pen name of King like back in the day when he used Richard Bachman on some of his books.  Close but no cigar.

The author, Joe Hill's full name is Joseph Hillstrom King.  He's Stephen King's son.  If you ever see a picture of father and son you'll know they're related (or cloned).

I understand when a child of a famous parent uses a stage name so they can succeed or fail on their own merits (ie Emilio Estevez).  However, if you're not going to do anything different then your parent you might as well make the best of the connection.  Joe Hill's book is so obviously influenced by his father's work that it would only make sense to have it sit right next to King's books on bookshelves.  Plus, if you're going to take concepts such as names and places from your parent's work then you're not really succeeding on your own.  It's as if you used their work but not their name.

Oh well, if Stephen King doesn't mind then I guess it's none of my business.  Plus, I like the book and it's good to know that style of writing will continue after King retires.  Just as long as Hill doesn't do a long series with the world's worst ending (yeah Stephen, I'm talking about you and The Dark Tower series!).  Seriously, the ultimate bad guy who influenced and destroyed entire worlds and all you could come up with was him throwing snitches from the Harry Potter books?

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

What I'm Currently Reading

I know you don't care but it's my blog, my rules.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

I Got to Pet a Kangaroo

Let me start off by saying that I'm not a big fan of zoos.  It seems so mean to stand there and stare at an animal in a small concrete pen.  Also, they always look so sad.  It's as if they're saying, "Yeah, I've got security and I never have to worry about food but there was a time when I could come and go as I please, I could hangout with others of my kind, and I could romance anyone who caught my eye.  Plus, I use to be able to throw poop at lions."

With that being said, let me tell you what we did last Saturday.  Mrs. Penguin, Opus Jr., a couple of grandsons, and I went to a drive through safari.  If you're not familiar with a drive through safari type zoo then let me introduce you to Google (although I like Bing better).  I mean, seriously, do I have to explain everything to you?  Look some stuff up on your own.  I swear, you're like one of my children!

Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.  Back to the story.

This place had a large walk around section that was way cool.  It was very hands-on with the animals and kids really loved it.  They played with monkeys, turtles, kangaroos (see the title of this post), pigs, sheep, and ect.  The drive through part was just as awesome.  We had emus, camels, zebra, and several types of antelopes and deer stick their heads into our car.

I'm going to wrap up this post by saying two things.  First, if you have the opportunity to see one of these parks you should give it a try.  Second, I don't know what kind of deer that was but that little sucker bit really hard.  My finger still hurts.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Play Ball

I surprised Opus Jr. yesterday by taking him to a minor league baseball game.  He went to one of the games last year with his class and I went too and he loved it.  He kept saying that he wanted to go to another one so I thought I would surprise him.  We had a ball.  We ate junk food, cheered on our team, and just talked about random stuff.  I would be happy to just spend the rest of my life re-living that day.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin