I Put the "P" in Pepsi

I stopped by the break room to buy myself a bottle of Pepsi from the vending machine today.  I pulled a dollar out of my pocket but suddenly realized that I needed to pee.  I headed to the bathroom and cruised up to a urinal when I noticed I still had the dollar in my hand.  That's cool, regardless of what I tell Mrs. Penguin, I really only need one hand to hold my...

At this point I should think of a nice way to say this.  Hmm, how about I call it "my feather"?  Does that work with you?  Good, let's continue the story.

As I'm standing there with a dollar in one hand and my feather in the other an odd thing happens.  Have you ever seen the movie Ghostbusters?  Remember the part where they're catching a ghost for the first time with their new proton packs and the smart one tells them not to cross the streams because "that would be bad"?  Now think of the dollar as one stream and the flow of pee as the other stream.

Actually the flow of pee would be a stream.  Cool, huh?  Sorry, back to the story.

Somehow I managed to cross the streams.  Either I forgot how long the dollar was or I forgot how long my feather was.  Whatever the cause, I ended up with a wet dollar.  Not just a wet dollar, but a dollar wet with urine.

Looking back I realize that I should have washed the dollar in the sink but I didn't think of it at the time.  I'll admit it, I panicked.  All I knew was that I wasn't sticking the bill back into my pocket and I still really wanted a Pepsi.

Just for future reference, it is really hard to get a vending machine to take a wet dollar.  I'm thinking that the machine knew how it got wet.

For anyone reading this that thinks I'm a jerk for fouling the machine with my pee-dollar let me ease your mind.  When I finally got the machine to take the dollar it gave me a bottle of Pepsi that was half empty.  The lid had come loose and it had leaked out.  Karma paid me back.

I know this wasn't my best story and I don't come off too well in it but it's my life for better or worse.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin