Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Globe Trekker

"I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to.  But first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down." ---Mitch Hedberg

If you don't know who Mitch Hedberg is, you should look him up.  He was one of the best stand-up comedians of his time.  He died way too young.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Redheaded Update

I promise this will be the last post about Game of Thrones.

I just got to the episode where the character of Ygritte had a nude scene. Damn!  Rose Leslie is my new favorite actress.  Sorry Julia Stiles, you've been replaced.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Bows and Boobs

I've been catching up with the Game of Thrones series and this is my favorite character.  Why?  Because the actress is hot and I seem to have a thing for warrior women.  Where did that come from?  Plus she looks like Princess Merida from Brave.  That cartoon was oddly stimulating.

The last post was about Doctor Who and now this one is about Game of Thrones.  This blog is turning nerdy.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Friday, September 20, 2013


The low fuel indicator light in my car looks way too much like a Dalek.  It makes me think that my car wants to exterminate me.

All of you Doctor Who nerds will feel my fear.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Circle of Life

There are a couple of tiny kittens that have adopted my front porch as their new home.  It seems they have entered their killing phase because yesterday I found a dead mouse on my sidewalk.

GD1 and I were walking and she said;

GD1: Hey Papa, look at the damn mouse.
Me:  What?!
GD1:  Right there, it's a damn mouse.
Me:  What kind of mouse?
GD1:  It's a damn mouse.
Me:  Why are you calling it that?
GD1:  Because it's not alive anymore.
Me:  Wait, what?

It finally dawned on me that she was saying "dead mouse".

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

My Dog is a Butthead Part 2

After the vet debacle, I figured I'd take Han to the park so he could play.

I stopped by Sonic and grabbed me a burger so I could eat lunch while Han played.  I sat on a bench and Han ran to and fro peeing on everything and chasing geese.  He was swimming in the pond with the geese so I let my mind wander while I ate.  I didn't notice that Han jogged up and stood beside me.  Then he did the doggy shuffle.  You know what I'm talking about!  That weird shake thing wet dogs do.  The only problem was that Han holds about five gallons of water in his fur.  When he shakes I have flashbacks to my visit to Niagara Falls.

Normally I don't mind getting a little dog water on me but dang it, I was holding a burger!  And it was a good burger too.  I think he did it on purpose.  Butthead!

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

My Dog is a Butthead Part 1

"Han - Big yellow Labrador Retriever.  Friendliest dog ever!"

That's how I described him on my family page.  After yesterday I'm now convinced that he's a butthead.

I noticed that he had a small patch of hair missing so I was concerned about him.  Now I can't have my buddy being sick so I took him to the veterinarian to have him checked out and he made a serious fax pas. I guess the smell of all the animals that had been in that office freaked him out.  I could tell he was really nervous as soon as we walked in.  I started talking to the receptionist when I noticed an awful smell.  I turned around and Han was taking a huge poop right in the middle of the floor.  Since he was the only dog in the room it was kind of hard to blame it on anyone else.  I don't think they would have believed that huge pile came from the gerbil being held by the little girl.

Needless to say, that started our visit off on a sour note.

Footnote:  It turns out that Han has a small skin infection and I have some cream to put on him for a week or so.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I'm a Real Whiz

Let me tell you how every one of my work days begin.

My alarm goes off at 3:30 AM and I jump out of bed to turn it off before it wakes up anyone else in the house.  I'm very considerate like that! Then I prowl through my dresser for underwear and socks and then my closet looking for the rest of my clothes.

Here are a couple of facts that I've left out.  I do my clothes shopping by the light of my phone.  Why?  So I don't wake up Mrs. Penguin.  Again, I'm considerate like that.  It's hard enough trying to find socks that match or a shirt and pants that go together when I'm at my best, but at 3:30 in the morning while I'm half asleep and almost completely blinded by the lack of light is a herculean task.  Here's the other fact that I've left out, when I wake up every morning I'm on the verge of peeing all over myself.  I'm talking about a beaver's dam trying to hold back Noah's flood.

Now since I'm so considerate, I don't like to leave the room and then come back because I'm afraid I'll make too much noise and wake up Mrs. Penguin.  See what a nice guy I am?  What I end up doing is quickly jerking clothes out of the closet while I go back and forth from foot to foot doing the Pee Pee Dance.

I'm a grown man, yet this is my life *sigh*.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I'm a Monster

A couple of days ago I went with several family members to a Mexican restaurant for lunch.  I'm not really sure what the dish was that I ate but it had strips of steaks, strips of chicken, pieces of bacon, and shrimp in it.  I was eating it without much thought other than, "This tastes pretty good."

After we left the restaurant, I started thinking about that dish and I realized that a cow, a pig, a chicken, and several shrimp had to die for that one meal (and I'm pretty sure I saw a dead fly in there too).  Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge meat-eater but that was just too much death for one person's lunch.

I'm not saying that I'm suddenly going to start grazing on bean sprouts and tofu but I think I'll limit myself to killing just one animal per meal.  It's my little way of helping our little animal friends.

Two notes about this post;

1) I know this sounded cruel but keep in mind that this post was done tongue-in-cheek.

2)Notice the picture?  I did a quick search for a picture of "PETA" to put on this blog as joke about saving animals but I couldn't resist taking a jab at those hypocritical a-holes.  Also, if you search for "PETA" you will come across lots of pictures of a half-naked actress named Peta Wilson.  Just FYI.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin