I'm a Real Whiz

Let me tell you how every one of my work days begin.

My alarm goes off at 3:30 AM and I jump out of bed to turn it off before it wakes up anyone else in the house.  I'm very considerate like that! Then I prowl through my dresser for underwear and socks and then my closet looking for the rest of my clothes.

Here are a couple of facts that I've left out.  I do my clothes shopping by the light of my phone.  Why?  So I don't wake up Mrs. Penguin.  Again, I'm considerate like that.  It's hard enough trying to find socks that match or a shirt and pants that go together when I'm at my best, but at 3:30 in the morning while I'm half asleep and almost completely blinded by the lack of light is a herculean task.  Here's the other fact that I've left out, when I wake up every morning I'm on the verge of peeing all over myself.  I'm talking about a beaver's dam trying to hold back Noah's flood.

Now since I'm so considerate, I don't like to leave the room and then come back because I'm afraid I'll make too much noise and wake up Mrs. Penguin.  See what a nice guy I am?  What I end up doing is quickly jerking clothes out of the closet while I go back and forth from foot to foot doing the Pee Pee Dance.

I'm a grown man, yet this is my life *sigh*.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin