Super Daddy

D1 called me yesterday and told me that she just had internet hooked up in her new house.  She said SiL1 and her have been trying to get the wireless network working for a couple of hours.  She wanted to know if I would come over and fix it for them.

When I got there D1 had to leave for work.  It took me less than two minutes to get it fixed then I played with the grand kids for a few minutes then left.  I stopped by D1's work and she asked me if I got her internet working.

I must have given her a are-you-freakin'-kidding look because she quickly just said thanks.  It's a good thing because I was about to go off on her.  I have a college degree in computer networking, I spent years managing networks at the local college then at a large oil company.  Did she think I would have a lot of trouble setting it up so she could use her iPad while she's on the toilet?  Seriously?!


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Plastic Bricks or Gold Bricks?

Are Legos dangerous?  Have they been hunted to near extinction?  Are they only found at the base of an active volcano in some remote jungle full of cannibals?  Are they made from asteroids that are believed to have been covered in the tears of angels as they rocketed through the heavens?

No?  Then why are they so expensive?  They're made out of plastic, and not a lot of plastic either.  We have a Lil' Tikes car that has a million times as much plastic as a Lego and that thing costs about as much as lunch at Taco Bell.

Opus Jr. loves Legos.  Actually, he loves getting them, opening the box, pouring them all over the floor, watching the first five minutes of the four hour procedure as I put them together, checking every few minutes to see if it's done yet, and then playing with them for 30 minutes before he sticks them in his closet for the rest of his natural life.

But no matter how much I complain about them, I keep buying them for him.  I'm a sucker.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Forgive Me Because I'm About to Sin

Today is Mrs. Penguin's birthday so I spent all day yesterday trying to find her a gift.  Such is my life that things got weird.

I tried every store I could find in the hopes of finding the perfect present.  I ended up at a christian bookstore.  I found a couple of things that I knew she would like so I grabbed them.  I went to the counter to pay for them and the young man behind the counter asked me, "Aren't you D3's father?"  I told him that I was and then he said, "I don't think I've seen her since we left the hotel."

Christian store or not, I was going to have to beat this young man so long that it would turn into a career.  He must have sensed the thrashing coming because he quickly said, "We were in Costa Rica together!"

Ah yes, when D3 was in high school she went to Costa Rica with one of her classes.  This near-death survivor must have been in the same class.  He may want to learn how to phrase his statements a little better.  You know, for safety sake.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Should I Feel Happy?

Update on the last post;

I just found out that the person that is no longer following me deleted their whole account.  Maybe that means I bored them completely off of the internet.  Is that possible?  Please don't answer  that.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Lassie, Come Home

I lost a follower of my blog today.  I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of sad.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

What's Your Momma's Name, Child?

I went to call Mrs. Penguin and I was scrolling through my contact list but I couldn't find her.  You see, my contacts are listed by last name but I couldn't remember her last name.  My mind blanked.

I will never tell her that.

footnote:  We have the same last name.  How sad is that?


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

XXXL?

They were selling Breast Cancer Awareness shirts here at work and I ordered one for a guy that's off today.  I knew his wife would like one but I didn't know her size.  I would just guess but she's pregnant right now and that's a tiger den that I'm not going into. 

If I buy a shirt that is too small she will think she's fat and she'll start crying.  If I buy a shirt too big then she will think she looks fat and she will start crying.  Even if I get the shirt the correct size, she will look at the size and start crying.

Nope, not getting involved with that.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Google Let Me Down

I have a few questions about international sporting events.

Why do international teams "Americanize" the names of their countries?  For example, why does any team from China have "China" written on their uniforms instead of "中华人民共和国"?  Why does Germany stand being called "Germany" instead of "Bundesrepublik Deutschland"?  Why are Japan's players' names written in our alphabet instead of their own?

Americans would lose their minds if an American team had to wear Arabic, Greek, Russian or some other lettering on their uniforms.

It's just something I've always wondered.

footnote:  I got the names of Germany and China off of Wikipedia.  Is they mean something offensive in those languages then I'm sorry.

One more footnote.  Check out the picture.  There should be more sporting events where hot chicks wear mini-skirts.  The world would be a better place.

Last footnote, I promise.  I wanted to name this post "Play Ball" in German but Google couldn't translate it.  So disappointed!


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Getting to Second Base

When someone signs a letter with "XOXO" then it means "hugs and kisses", right?  Does that mean the next time I see them in person I'm allowed to grab their boobs since we've already hugged and kissed?  That's the logical next step after making out with someone.

Makes you think, doesn't it?


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Meth Makes You Nervous

I have got to stop going to the Mexican restaurant down the street.  Nothing good ever happens when I go there.

I called in an order and I was standing in line waiting to get my food.  There was a man the size of a Greyhound bus in front of me and a girl at the counter that looked like most of her nutrients came from drinking the bong water.

The crackhead got her food, stood there looking dazed for a minute or so, then turned and walked out the door.  I look out the window and she's standing right in front of my car.

If you've been reading my posts then you know that I am very fond of my car.  I take offense when it's being eyeballed by a random crackhead.

Suddenly, I realized that I forgot to lock my car.  I pushed the button on my key fob to lock my doors but I forgot that the car's horn beeps when it locks.  The horn tooted and it must have startled the crackhead because she jumped and flung her bag of food into the air.

Let me sum up this post.  I just wanted to run out and get myself a burrito for lunch.  That's all I wanted.  Instead I ended up apologizing, buying a crackhead lunch, and stopping by the car wash to remove nacho cheese from the hood of my car.

From now on I'm eating from the vending machine.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin