Stray Cats and Cool Cars

I walked out of my house this morning and two cats ran out from under my car.  My first thought was, "Wow, my car's big enough for two cats to sleep under?  Awesome!"

Just in case you're curious, that really is my car in the picture.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Making a Better Me

I think I would be a better person if I could start each day by slapping an orphan.

I know right now you're thinking "WTF?!!!".  Before you post an angry comment just give me a second to explain.

If I started each day by slapping an orphan I think I would spend the rest of the day thinking, "Oh my god, I can't believe I smacked a poor little street urchin.  I better be super nice to people all day to make up for it."  Then I would spend the rest of the day opening doors for little old ladies, helping to teach the handicap how to yodel, and generally being one heck on a good citizen.

I'm not too sure the orphan would be thrilled about my plan but I think in the cosmic scheme of things the good that I would do would override the bad.  Trust me, this is all about improving myself.  It has nothing to do with a desire to abuse parentless children.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin


footnote:  This whole post is obviously a joke.  I happen to be very anit-child abuse and very pro-adoption.  I actually thought about replacing "slapping an orphan" with "kicking a puppy" but that would have brought in just as many angry letters.  Again, it was just a joke.

Meow

The movie wasn't anything special but there was one scene that made it all worthwhile.

Anne Hathaway, as Catwoman, climbs onto the Bat-cycle and they show a nice closeup from the rear.  That one view convinced me to buy that DVD the minute it comes out.  Heck, I may buy two.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

The Dog Ate My Tacos

My day just officially turned to crap.

I wasn't in the mood to eat at the cafeteria here at work so I called and ordered a meal from the Mexican place down the road.  I go and get my food and I'm coming back into our building through a side door which requires you to wave your name badge in front of a panel.  I sit down one of the bags I'm carrying so I can grab my badge out of my pocket when out of nowhere a dog the size of a rhinoceros comes charging at me.  Without missing a stride he grabs the bag sitting on the ground and disappears before I can even register what is happening.  I'm serious, he didn't even slow down.  It was like he had been practicing his whole life for that one shot at my lunch.

After I get over the shock of what happened I looked around and, I'm not kidding, there are two small dogs sitting in the parking lot just looking at me with smiles on their faces.  There isn't a doubt in my mind that they were laughing.

I'm so pissed right now that I want to go eat a hot dog just because of the name.

By the way, "the size of a rhinoceros" may be a little bit of an exaggeration.  Looking back, I'm pretty sure that dog was part Chihuahua.  That still doesn't make it right!


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Miss Piggy has a Frog in Her Throat

I've always wondered if Fozzie the Bear ever realized he was a bear and decided to maul the crap out of those two guys in the balcony that kept heckling him.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

August, You Da' Man

That last post has pushed August over the top.  I have published more posts in August than any month since I've started this blog. 

The cherry on top of this accomplishment is the fact that the post that put August in the lead happens to be the one showing a nearly naked Salma Hayek.  Of course, any post showing a nearly naked Salma Hayek is a good one but that's not the point.

I feel like I should have a parade in August's honor.  I wonder if New York City will let me drive down Broadway with August in the back of a convertible while strangers throw old lottery tickets out the window at me.

Oh yeah, the first person that points out the fact that this is only the second month of this blog will get a serious purple-nurple!


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

This is a Free Country

What's the point?  There isn't a point but it's my blog and I think there should be a picture of Salma Hayek in a bikini.  'Nuff said.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Giving Peas a Black Eye

The Curiosity rover that is currently cruising around Mars broadcast music today.  The song was a new one by Will.i.am.  I think that's great.  Finally they have found a place where his music won't annoy the hell out of people.  If only we could send all of Nicki Minaj's music to Venus then we could really make this a better world for all.


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

I Just Vomited a Little in My Mouth

Sara Louise at Sara in Le Petit Village had a post about having too many zucchinis and she didn't know what to do with all of them.  It's very early in the morning in this part of the world and the part of my brain that tells me not to say something stupid must still be asleep.  I commented on her post that she needs to make zucchini smoothies.  Really?!  That's the best that I could come up with?  I feel so dirty.

Sorry Sara Louise.

By the way, does anyone else see a zucchini duck in that picture or is it just me?


Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin

Urine Luck

Just to let you know, I'm not fixated on urine or anything like that, it's just a weird coincidence that I've written two posts about it.

I stopped at a little gas station to get something to drink and use the bathroom the other day.  I go into the little stall and take a whiz.  When I turn around there is an older gentleman standing there looking at me.  This is our conversation;

Creepy Old Man:  Do you know what they call a person that pees with the seat down? A woman!
Me:  Do you know what they call a guy that watches a strange man pee?

A look of shock struck his face as I pushed my way past him.  As I exited the door I glanced back and he was still standing there with his mouth hanging open.

I don't know if he was the toilet seat police or just an old weirdo but things like that keep happening to me.

Don't judge me,
Opus T. Penguin